>:(

Ugh. I hate everything right now. I've wasted my summer by sitting around and not doing anything even though I said I was gonna read but I didn't. And it's it's too stupid late to do anything about it now because it's Tuesday night and I start school this Monday. What sucks is that this is the last summer I will ever have because I'm starting cosmetology school and then when that's done it's like that it's I'm done. I start my career then. So this was it. This is the last summer ever. The only consolation I have is knowing that right when I do start my career working for some beauty place, it may not be full time and I'll have some time to read. Ok so there's that. Then there's the fact that I feel stupid because here are all my friends out there in college working toward real jobs. And I know being a hairdresser is a real job, but I mean jobs that actually take some amount of education. I feel like cosmetology school is this cop-out job that you do when you don't want to learn or take the time to learn anything. And here's courtney going to be a nurse, and rachel going to be in medical sonography , and I just thought of Chris who wants to be a medical missionary. I mean yeah there's me and meghann and lauren all going to cos school together, but I still feel like people think I'm stupid. I feel like I need to prove to people and maybe even to myself that I am somebody. That I'm not this dumb cos school ditzy stupid person who isn't smart. Though I feel like I am that way. I feel like I'm not smart. Courtney is smart and I hate it. I feel like she thinks she's smart and I'm dumb and she looks down on me. And ok maybe she doensn't and maybe it's my own personal insecurity. But I feel like she doens't like me and she thinks I'm annoying and she looks down on me because she's smarter than me. I wanna go to actual school and major in psychology and be a psychologist. I do. And I was thinking, maybe I can do that later in life. Like, since I don't have a job, maybe I can go to cos school and get my liscence and do hair and make money doing that while I go to school for psychology. I just feel really dumb. I didn't even take the SAT. I have yet to take it. It's because I'm stupid and how would I ever get into a good college anyway I'm just one of those idiots who goes to community college. Community crap college. I feel so stupid. Ok and then there's the whole thing with my birthday being like a week and a half away. Like my mom informs me that she is going to give me 100 dollars for my birthday. And that's for anything and everything. like she said i could have a party, or if i didn't want one she'd give me the hundred dollars. Can u believe that? ok i my sound selfish but I wouldn't even go shopping if I only had $100 to spend. $100 dollars buys SQUAT in this day and time. It's like woo let me go buy a couple of freaking SHIRTS!!! my gosh. and she seriously means it too. like i told her i decided that i wanted my camera fixed for my birthday and she goes "what if it costs more than a hundred dollars?"  CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT?!?!?! she honestly asked me that question. like i have no doubt if they went to get it fixed and it costed more than a hundred dollars she would make me pay the rest or i wouldn't get my camera back. and keep in mind THAT'S ALL SHE'D GET ME!!! like i seriously wouldn't get ANYTHING else for my birthday. just my stupid camera fixed which should work anyway. i hate everything. i seriously so. I'm pissed and i hate every freaking thing.